4 Months as the Crow Flies

And when I blinked the year was 4 months old (and counting).  It has been a while since my last post... I have been thinking; restoring; reflecting and reviewing.  I have been thinking of fears and desires, passion and purpose, complexity and transcendence.  If there is one lesson that I have learned over the last year it has been patience.  I now see my haste and propensity to haste much clearer in the light of  the tension between desire and fear.  In other words, in the past I used to attack the present in order to get to the future because I was afraid of missing the opportunity to prove that I am competent and useful.  The reality is  that I am competent and useful; here; today.

I know that repetitive work frustrates me... A lot!  I know that I  can't hide in the corner world of ideas.  Music, ideas and dancing energise me.  Too much of my day does not incorporate creativity - I need more; I think we all do.  I believe this is the key to being more and being more to others.
It seems like it has been a mad dash in the last four months to where I am now.  A good dash however because it has been at home.  Our life is richer because of family, friends and nature.  The improvement in quality of life is invaluable.

After years in Johannesburg we have been living in Stellenbosch for the last 9 months and working as a lecturer for the last 4.  It has been an awesome time so far and I know that it has been a time of restoration.  It will probably continue on the same path for a while but I am tilling the soil.  I am removing the old thinking that was embedded during the past 7 years.  I am throwing off all the old labels and returning my competent roots.  I am removing what is not important an focusing on who I am (yip, that old theme again).

It is literally easier said than done, but I am doing it.  It is a constant journey going from survive to alive.  I fight negativity, look for meaning, acknowledge that I am part of a great tapestry and that I have a part to play.  My part is the one that helps people, and specifically people in business, realise why business is important, why they are doing business, how this adds value an finally how they run their business, or do business, because of this.  I translate my competence into their competence.

What a Year!

I don't know about you but 2012 was truly a significant year!  Even though my mind wants to tell me that I need to lose faith in many things I cannot deny that my heart says something completely different.  So I guess this is where you expect me to tell you that I went with my heart... Not exactly.

Even though I have continued on my journey I am definitely changed after a year of constant challenge, great disappointments and ultimately massive life breakthroughs.  After a number of years in the business world I have come to the great insight that it is primarily not for me.  I'm not saying that I am not interested in it but I am in fact not suppose to be active in the business world on a permanent basis.  I have great passion for it, love to study it and help people reflect on it and their role in it but I am not interested in becoming a, how did Nicholas Nassim Taleb say: "corporate slave with "work ethics" (whenever I hear work ethics I interpret inefficient mediocrity)".

I'll gladly earn less but live meaningfully at a slower, more reflective pace.  After going through a period in the last year of ultimate reduction of identity I can say that it was not easy or pleasant but truly necessary.

I am now experiencing synthesis and do not entertain the tyranny of the or.  I am not following my heart or my head but instead follow them both.  I can now see how an unrealistic view of myself had me trapped and how a deeper understanding of myself is based on dynamics rather than homeostasis.  In other words, I am constantly changing and the product of the complex relationships that I am part of.  There is perhaps less in my control and less that I have to achieve.  I am rather inclined to proceed intuitively but use my mind to understand what I have done and how my intuition operates.  Perhaps it is a little like what the Oracle tells Neo in The Matrix Reloaded: "...you didn't come here to make the choice, you've already made it. You're here to try to understand why you made it."  I believe we actually make many choices that is actually subconscious and by coming to understand our choices we could perhaps help to influence the subconscious in the future.

I am looking forward to 2013 where I know that I will make choices that are intuitive and then reflect on them cognitively afterward.  I know that this is my pattern and rather than be someone I am not I can now embrace this pattern as my own and find and give joy through the use of my gifts.  This journey ultimately leads to the annihilation of my fears through the fulfillment of my greatest desires but it has been a difficult journey to get to the place of self-knowledge that is a source of peace.

So, no new-years resolutions or new initiatives.  No new targets or projects.  Only life to the full!

Change Is Not Really Happening That Fast

The buzz in the business world is all about how complex things are and, specifically, how fast everything is changing.  If you are a leader in business you need to be so smart and adapt so quickly...  That is such a load of bull.  Yes, things are changing quickly, or at least there are greater possibilities, choices and options available right now.

What I find in businesses is that in general business leaders aren't really changing.  Right now I can think of at least six leaders and business models that are based on old thinking.  I understand that actual change really takes time.  Media and the status-quo would lead us to believe that everything is changing so fast.  In reality I see these powers that be as the ones changing the slowest.  It is in their best interest to keep things as it is.  Take the latest Robin Hood film starring Russell Crowe:  Just when it looks like true change will come after generations of hierarchical, unjustified, autocratic exploitation by a leader over the people things simply remain the same - the leader has seen how beneficial a system of dominance is in his favour.  "Why change it, it works for me?"

The same thing is happening in organisations globally.  Truly transformational models of business have emerged in the early 1980's in South America (here I refer to Semco) as well as earlier than that on other continents (the Tata group of companies come to mind) but it has been isolated.  My question is why hasn't it happened more?  Why hasn't this truly transformational business models been occurring much more.  It is a model where the business is about people first and how they come together to create a better world through what they do - real meaning!

Instead of the direction of the organisation being set by a bunch of people that only want to see a financial return; how about the direction set by the people on the ground and who have a daily relationship with the business - they are the business.

So here is my current thesis on why this does not happen more: Leaders with big egos.  Of the greatest leader when he is gone they will say we did it ourselves.  The greatest leader is one that is not a leader.  There is no such thing as leadership.  I am convinced there is only love, dedication, vision and action.  A person that can use love, dedication, vision and action to enable others to do the same is needed.  It is not about them - they know that.  It is about using their abilities to help others do whatever is needed to get the job done and do it in excellence!

As soon as we start talking about leadership people clamor for position, title and money.  Ask people to help others achieve their wildly important goals and help the organisation succeed while these people get all the recognition and reward and I don't think you will have many people left that can do the job.  It is a job that requires people to see them selves as enablers, facilitators and connectors so that things can start unfolding on their own.  You have to be secure in your identity so that you don't have to fight for it publicly and embrace complexity so that things can unfold organically.

My aim is to spread the message and work with people to unleash potential and release creativity and let it go where it needs to go.  What are you up to?

Dream vs Security

On my journey I am continuously challenged by different opportunities.  I dream of freedom, creativity and simplicity.  As I dream I look around me to see what needs to be done practically.  I am continuously aware of the tension between the dreams in my heart and the requirements of living a life that is secure.  Secure, that's a nice word.  What the bleep is it anyway... Security!?  Is it freedom from danger, risk, etc. as the dictionary tells you?  Is it something that we put on to make us feel better - a little like an expensive coat?  A coat that can be taken away at any moment...

Why does it look like if you choose security you sacrifice your dreams?  I see so many people that have settled for security or have faced the choice of taking greater risks and have chosen to settle for something secure.  I personally also know people that have taken risks and have then burnt their fingers trying a new venture.  The result is that they then choose a more secure option for the future.  Can you blame them?  You have to start thinking of the kids, education costs, retirement...  The list is endless.  The basic cost of a decent standard of living is rather ridiculous.  Have you ever been in a situation where you look at what's left of your salary/income after deductions for medical aid, cars, house and a few other basics and thought to yourself: "How on earth is this possible?"

I am an idealist, iconoclast, dreamer and believer!  I want to see the small guy win.  I hunger to see a world that really cares but still gets things done.  I hope to find many more inspiring leaders just around the corner.  I see the future for others as they themselves can't even see it yet.
In all this I have to find peace in tension.  Tension between the dream and security.  Tension between action and rest.  Tension between fatalism and free will.  Aaaagh!  Man this is really frustrating... And actually very exciting.  It is not just one thing.  Not boring.  In actual fact the challenge is beautiful.  The way I see it is that if I can get a little more comfortable with change I can be so much more - BE, NOT DO!

I guess this is why I try stuff.

Measure by Growth

What do you measure by? Results are important but many times results come much later like fruit on a tree or grapes on a vine.
Many times in the past I have looked back when it seems like I am heading in the wrong direction and asked my parents if they think I have made a mistake.  The answer that I mostly got was: "No, because we can see how much you have grown".
Perhaps they are looking at results but it is results on a continuum.  In other words the result is me being more mature yet knowing that it is the next step on the journey that I have achieved, not a destination or final measurable result.

My current season really reflects such a phase.  I know that I have grown tremendously in the last year and have come to accept myself as I am more than ever before.  I am making peace with where I am and have come to greater insight regarding ambition.  I see ambition as the driving and destructive force behind our current global condition.  Think about what ambition - the desire to achieve, stand out and be something, has done to our world and communities.  Never before have we been so ambitious in our goals and never before have we wreaked such havoc on our planet.  Inequality is greater than ever and even though we have made major advances that contribute to our standard of living we are no happier than 50 years ago.

I believe that it is ambition that drives a meaningless pursuit after our own, predominantly instant, gratification.  We have polarised our societies into those that are rushing forward at a reckless pace and those that seek greater meaning and purpose in what they do.  I don't think this divide will ever change but hopefully more and more people can meet in the middle where we engage one another in work that centers on love, money and meaning.  I don't think we have to settle for the tyranny of the 'or'.  It does not have to be about money or love; why not both?

What I do make a case against is the domination of our ambition that blindly leads us over the precipice into the abyss.  Ambition that looks at monetary results and ignore the growth of individuals and communities.  Ambition that ignores the growth required to make things more sustainable and full of life.

So what are we measuring?  What is the result we are looking for, and more importantly, who do we have to be to realise our dream?