Deeper and deeper into the cavernous dark my journey takes me. Who knows what I will find on this quest of truly knowing myself? I dig deeper and longer than many I know but do not consider myself greater - perhaps just hungrier. Hungrier for my true self and not settling for mediocre second best.
Coming face-to-face with the mysteries of my own personality I am amazed at what is hidden within. Things that are there at all times but only discovered once the restlessness takes root and I answer with relentless curiosity of who I can be.
Perhaps you will agree with me that there are few people who are really self-aware and that know themselves. My experience has led me to believe that our laziness is greater than any desire that we have that could guide us on a journey of discovering the deep hidden secrets at the core of our being. Recently I have been digging again and it would seem that just by looking at myself in a new way because of new circumstances I have gained much insight about how my personality functions. It does however start with questioning and if do recall I have written about this on a previous occasion. We do not question enough. We especially do not question our own motives; our own hearts.
This is most probably the longest post I have written and perhaps it reflects my current situation where I am doing a lot and do not have sufficient time to reflect and think. But let's get back to letting go...
The point of this post is that what I have discovered recently (through utilising The Wisdom of the Enneagram) is that although I have a compassion to see this world change it will happen if I let go. Basically I then have to let go in order to get a grip. Yes, indeed another paradox ( for those of you who are familiar with my previous posts you will remember that I wrote about this quite some time back). Even though I was aware of this previously my circumstances shed new light on how my personality works and I started questioning myself. How much am I really responsible for? By when do I want to achieve certain goals? What kind of impact do I need to have during my time on earth? How do I respond to the restlessness inside me?
It is about being centred and developing trust in order to be present in every moment. I believe that I am seeking a rare peace that comes from knowing I am doing what must be done and not striving to do more than what lies within my mandate. It is founded in a trust that I am where I should be and that the things I let go off is not lost, but by letting go I allow someone else to accept their mandate. Do you know what your mandate is?
To be continued...
