A few weeks ago I wrote the first part of my view on the 'why' of work. And then I got busy at work... I also paused for a moment and took a break by the ocean. This has given me time to reflect on the 'why' of work with greater depth.
Through the lens of Connectedness work is viewed from the contribution and purpose perspective as indicated in my earlier post. As I get excited about the changing world of work and the incorporation of greater purpose in many businesses globally I have to remind myself that part of Connectedness is a world view of abundance and not scarcity, patience rather than haste:
“By the time it came to the edge of the Forest, the stream had grown up, so that it was almost a river, and, being grown-up, it did not run and jump and sparkle along as it used to do when it was younger, but moved more slowly. For it knew now where it was going, and it said to itself, “There is no hurry. We shall get there some day.” But all the little streams higher up in the Forest went this way and that, quickly, eagerly, having so much to find out before it was too late.” ― A.A. Milne, The House at Pooh Corner
I look around me at the world rushing forward being pursued by a great beast of fear. We are afraid we won't have enough time, money, love or accomplishment - we are afraid we won't be enough.
As I sat looking out over the ocean a few weeks ago I realised that this world is in motion and it is a force far greater than I can ever dream of controlling. I find that what I do not know I want to control, I also see it many other people and specifically 'leaders' and managers. As the quote above illustrates, we will get where we have to go; I will get where I have to go. I cannot live in the future at the expense of the present. Letting go is beautiful!
The 'why' of work is about us, about here, about now and doing whatever is here and now. It is about trust. It is trust based on a world view that in the end we will be okay. If it is not okay it is not the end.
So today I call to all that feel that the burden of ambition is driving a wedge between you and those you care for, between you and the parts of yourself that you do not know yet and in fact creating a self-defeating drive yearning for an unidentified emptiness. Stop running. Breathe slowly and start living, here and now.
Go from survive to alive.
I did not post last week. I paused for a moment...
In light of my previous two posts regarding Connectedness I am going to continue with three major aspects of Connectedness. In the last ten years or so I have been searching and have found three areas of life, and specifically business, that guide further inquiry: Why? How? Who?.
I believe that in whatever we do, and especially work, their is great reward in following your passion and connecting the 'why' of work to a greater purpose. I have therefore jumped at every consecutive opportunity I could get to figure out what I am best for the world at.
The 'why' of work has guided me on a quest for more, not more stuff, but more life. My journey has led me to foreign countries, to disappointment, pain and suffering but at no time have I had any regret because what I have also discovered is myself. I have seen many people go through their whole life and not have the experience and the privilege that I have had. I have also remained true to my family and in any choice if it leads to less intimacy with my wife and son it is not a good choice. This is in fact also very much part of Connectedness.
I have been working for myself or other people from a young age and I have been privileged to be raised on two continents and in three countries. This has fueled my ability to see the world as connected, rather than separated. In every opportunity I have been part of an organisation or business I have consistently looked for ways to improve myself as well as the organisation - this has led to some conflict. ...It is easier to make it in this world than it is to change it.
When I was younger I simply grabbed hold of every opportunity and do my best. But as I grew older I seriously started asking at what can I be best? What are my talents? Where can I contribute? At what can I succeed? I experienced glimpses of flow or engagement which also led me to start writing this blog. Yet, with every new opportunity I grew faster and many times have outgrown my job within two years or so. What I have experienced is that with every opportunity I can more clearly identify what I am good at. This normally means that I start longing for the next opportunity to develop. Learning to be patient is very important.
The most important thing however is that I believe in continuous improvement and moving towards a greater purpose for work - the 'why' of work. Perhaps you don't have it today but I believe that improvement is possible. Yes the bills have to be paid, but that can't be why you work. If it is I seriously ask you today to consider your purpose and the meaning behind your work.
"Don't ask what the world needs. Ask what makes you come alive, and go do it. Because what the world needs is people who have come alive." - Howard Thurman
...And being alive is Connectedness
Connectedness - a philosophy, approach, technique and movement (for lack of better description at present). Not individualistic only, but connected between us. By seeking us I find me. The level of truth found in the mess of relationships and the beauty of failing quickly and learning deeply.
Connectedness is the way that the 21st century is shaping. In the 20th century the work moved from the farm to the factory; the factory to the office and in the 21st century the work is moving online (or into the cloud). It used to be the unseen hand of the market and deregulation in order to set the human spirit free - there were a few mistakes...
It is however no reason to completely remove the old system (yes, the C word - capitalism). It is also no real good reason to kill all creativity with regulation. So what kind of 'ism' remains for us to utilise in order to shape the way we live, interact, produce and create in the present age? Is there a third alternative?
In order to answer this you must ask yourself what do you believe in? For years I have been exploring different aspects of living a life, and I mean LIVING! Not adrenaline, today is the last day on earth anything goes craziness - no! Real living means you are true to yourself and those around you, you seek your North Star and you align your heart and mind to it. From this center you act boldly, and with love in all that you do, you seek out every opportunity to grow and honour the purpose of your life. In so doing you also help others on their journey - LIFE!
Connectedness is an approach to life that unites, in paradox, agency and complexity. In order to fully utilise my ability to reflect and grow it can only truly happen in interdependence with others with the same agential capability. The presence of others and the constant changing context within growth means that together we are more than merely the sum of our relationships - something emerges from amongst us which amplifies individual agency and potential.
Most importantly it is openness, fearlessness and divergent whilst being convergent simultaneously.
This is also the way that I am connecting with people and want to do more of. I am not trying to invent something that doesn't exist or even trying to come up with cool names (although that is fun too). Look outside your door, and you will see walls coming down. I know in some places walls are going up, I am not ignorant. The reality is however that you can decide whether you want to be part of the progression towards less wall or more - you're call!
Personally, I want to see the walls come down where it is appropriate for them to come down. I have a personal interest in business because it is the greatest tool to influence our society in order to become better together.
What will follow in the weeks, months and years in this blog is a call for action and connection - will you join me on this journey from survive to alive?
For 7 years I have been writing this blog - At times it has been more frequent than others. It started out as a project to connect with friends and family, develop my writing skills and share ideas and insights.
I have also focused much more on intrapersonal issues and related this to broader issues in society. On a journey where I have refined my understanding and skill relating to change, innovation and leadership that has lasted roughly 14 years so far I have been privileged to learn about myself and the world we all live in. From the beginning of this blog I have considered the possibility of it becoming more. I have a passion for writing but also for instigating change and challenging leaders to take up their role irrespective of position or title. I dream of a world where more people get rid of the burdens that they take onto themselves due to societal influences, their own beliefs or other references that they might have built up and therefore create unnecessary rules that govern their happiness.
These rules that govern each of us creates a barrier hindering the possibility of true transformation that each of us has on an intrapersonal, inter-personal and organisational level.
This is a world of plenty, not of scarcity; possibility, not impossibility. I want to connect with individuals that dare to dream in the same way and create a movement where those on the margins of society and on the margins of freedom can be included in an endeavour that helps to bring about a changed paradigm for the 21st century society. ...A society that revolves around purpose, people and meaning.
I know there are many of you asking critical questions around your family, job, business, environment and the rest of society. The first step is to start talking the same language and then from collective meaning start to focus efforts on targeted areas by connecting and collaborating. This is where this blog will play a greater role in the future. It will become much more of an integrated platform where individuals and organisations can tap into in order to join a discussion as well as coordinate actions leading to greater positive impact.
I am moving the blog into a more productive and focused mode as part of a greater service offering from my side. I will continually keep writing but also be exploring other tools and avenues of facilitating movement of hearts and minds towards a greater interdependent force for good.
I will be using the term connectedness to describe this movement, but more on that in following posts...
As I develop this I will be connecting with some of you directly in order to understand the need and perhaps craft the most appropriate approach that will be more targeted and effective. At times I will be focusing more on the South African situation, but I will also be writing with an international audience in mind.
I hope to see as many of you joining me on this journey going from survive to alive!
I finished my previous post with the promise of continuing the discussion on pleasure and pain as motivators. I also indicated that I believe that it really is a significant force to reckon with.
I have now been applying it to some of my own habits for example lowering my intake of sugar (sweets, in coffee, etc.). I am glad to report that it has been approximately 3 weeks and I have never before felt this good about changing a habit. If I can do this, what's next?!
I need to tell you that I don't have a weight problem, but I want to keep it that way. If I can look as good as my parents do today when I am their age, I have a worthy goal to attain.
Bottom line: this was my trial run and achieving this is my platform to start changing even greater things. ...Just keep watching this space.
But back to the impact of utilising the pain and pleasure paradigm for good. Every time I want to eat something sweet or add sugar to my coffee I simply ask myself: "Can I do without it just this once?". The answer obviously is a simple YES! In order to get to my yes I just imagine the joy I will feel to overcome just this once, just this instance and use that as my motivation. Not only that, I also see that giving in is a slippery slope and before I know it I will be an old fat man that regretted my bad habits when I was younger. I use both the vision of pleasure as well as the vision of pain to move me in the direction of improvement.
I therefore utilise my imagination in service of a higher standard for myself according to who I know I am. This certainty propels me to make a choice that moves away from mediocre towards greatness. From simply surviving towards being fully alive.
Now it's your turn: Pick just one small habit that you feel you want to stop doing or one thing you want to start. When faced with the choice of not executing your power of choice in regards to your habit that you want to quit or start simply use your imagination and condition yourself into seeing the pain of not choosing your preferred option and the pleasure of choosing the preferred option. Give it at least ten days (step by step, instance by instance). As soon as you reach the ten day mark simply keep going and aim for three weeks.
Once you've reached this point it is perhaps time to inspire everyone else by telling your friends, emailing me or even putting down a post on this blog if you really want to make a bigger impact.
I want to join you on a journey from survive to alive!
I like to think that I am rather sophisticated and educated and that the reason that I do things is of truly egalitarian motivation... You know, one of those really 'higher level' individuals that have shed the burden of earthly toil. I see myself as raising above the squabble of the lower passions and that I am motivated by higher purpose in all that I do.
Yeah right! Who am I kidding? On my continual journey from survive to alive I pick up books of new authors on a regular basis. Some of the stuff I read is really not that useful or I feel that it is nonsense, but I continue to search. One of the authors that I have been avoiding for many years is Tony Robbins. Rah, rah, rah!... That is pretty much what I thought of him - a flamboyant charlatan posing as a one-size-fits-all self-help guru.
Yet, I pride myself of being one of those 'higher level' individuals, so let me not judge. With this thought in mind I picked up Awakening the Giant Within, a book Tony Robbins wrote before the turn of the millennium and before the world drastically changed. So perhaps it is all out-dated...
With positive expectation, none-the-less, I started reading and in those first few pages I read something I have possibly considered before. I mean, c'mon man! I continuously ask myself: WHAT MOTIVATES US?! I have a masters degree, completed various business and leadership courses and I have not been able to truly identify the driving force behind our decisions. And what do I find here in the pages of this book? ...Our decisions are emotionally driven in order to avoid pain or experience pleasure. Could it really be that we shape our pain and pleasure paradigm through our experience and accordingly realign our actions in order to either avoid pain or experience pleasure?
With confounded intrigue and curiosity I read on and applied the theory, with reflection, to myself. Have I been caught in a trap of pain/pleasure confusion that leads to excuses and inaction? Yes! Indeed I have experienced some traumatic events, lived through pain and rejection and have allowed that to shape my pain/pleasure paradigm. I am telling myself, before it will actually happen, that certain activities will lead to pain. I then complete this wonderful cycle by reinforcing it with mental pictures of how I am going to suffer, but it has not even happened yet!
Anybody out there feel the same?
The question is how is this keeping me from going from being alive? In my next post I will continue this discussion...
Have you ever walked down the road in your neighbourhood, especially as a child, and pass a neighbour's house when all of a sudden, GRRRGH! ...a dog starts growling and barking at you from behind the fence?
I can remember the feeling that came over me: I felt insecure, afraid and vulnerable. I experienced anger because how could this animal do this to me - how could my confidence and self-sufficiency be destroyed in such a brief moment?
As I grew older I learned that the barking dog is really not that scary. I could easily recognise the true level of danger and that, in fact, I am the boss in the situation. Fear, along with the dog, flees with its tail between its legs in that moment of authority. I can recognise my capacity to overcome the situation because I know who I am and that I have nothing to fear.
I still have the same emotional reaction in certain circumstances today. Recently I attended an event where I was one of the younger participants playing a leadership role. After an evening where I made a valued contribution I was, ever so politely, reminded by an older participant that perhaps I need some more experience before I actually attempt to participate in the way that I have. WOOF!
Really?!
In an instant I wanted to react and cower because of my perceived inexperience pointed out to me. ...Perceived; perception; reality. What was the reality in the situation? The reality was that even though I did not have the grey hair or funny glasses perched on my nose I was more than sufficiently qualified to contribute. DOWN BOY!
I can therefore choose to respond, not react: I know who I am and I know how I got here. As I grow I will have even more to contribute - I know where I am going. I am not punching above my weight. It is about stepping up and recognising my own potential. It is about giving, authenticity and strength. It is about living.
I challenge you to recognise the opportunities that life gives you today to choose living and not surviving. Take authority in the moment and lead. They are hidden and it takes practice to recognise them and use them. They come in many different shapes and sizes, people and circumstances. It is when someone in the office makes another remark about your work; it is that family member that breaks you down; it is when you are ignored or bullied. The dogs keep barking, don't run away. Recognise your strength and do what is right today.
A few times on this blog I have written about the importance of knowing yourself. Sometimes I feel like I have even been a bit of a stuck record.
The last few weeks I have however been picking up books, reading highlights from my professional networks and talking with people who have all indicated the same thing: the biggest change that is happening is that we will have to develop the relationship with ourselves if we want to change the world.
This, in other words, is indeed a delicious paradox. It is juicy and rich in substance: Stop trying to change the world, change yourself if you want to change the world. ...It is hard enough anyway!
In my previous post I clarified the purpose of the blog and also clarified the two core terms of survive and alive. I therefore see this blog as a place where the new challenge of the 21st century economic environment, i.e. how much you pay for the food in your grocery store, how expensive your house is and how to take of yourself when you retire or provide for your children in the future, is directly connected with the internal life that we lead. It becomes economics based on how aware I am.
From personal experience I can attest to the challenges of deep inner change that results in peace. I believe it is only from this place of peace where the correct desires can be cultivated which results in the kind of behaviour that impacts our economic choices on a global level.
This is hard! It is hard because of noise. It is the clacking of keyboards, tweeting, liking, chirping, snapping cacophony that is designed to make us buy, buy, buy that keeps us from facing our fears. Stop rushing, running speeding and fleeing. Start sitting, focusing, re-centring and realigning to what is really important. Do you know what is really important to you?
Do you survive or are you alive?
After months of glorious introspection, reflection and redirection I am glad to say that I am gradually getting back into the blogging saddle. More than ever I am aware that writing is important. I believe it is important because I enjoy it, but it is also important because it has served as a platform where the unheard voices are united.
It has not only been an online conversation, but primarily I have experienced individuals speaking to me directly which has been inspiring.
This blog is all about living a life that is testimony to being alive and not merely breathing. Surviving is the same old routine every day. Surviving is never facing your fears. Surviving is doing what is safe and expected. Surviving is never fully committing to relationships. Surviving is taking, being busy and 'me'. Surviving is command-and-control. Surviving is the majority.
Living is facing your fears. Living is accepting the challenge and laying another down. Living is doing things different, new and better today even if it means you will fail. Living is being, giving and 'us'. Living is connecting and collaborating. Living is the minority.
This is the blog for the minority. This is where the real voice of meaning is heard. Its message is one of bravery, creativity, innovation and change. This blog is a challenge for better, every day!
The journey always starts with ourselves. If we think we can change the world without doing the hard work of facing ourselves in the mirror, we have already lost the battle.
So here is the warning: Don't read or reply to these posts if you are not serious about seeing through the change in society that frees us from ourselves; that frees us from sheepwalking.
Likewise, here is the mandate that comes with this blog: Read very carefully and REFLECT! ...Then partake in the discussion and pass it on to others with the same instruction.
Life is not too short; it is exactly long enough for us to do what we have to. Get going!
