Fix the Hole

It's been a while since my last post.  And that's the way it is for now.  Perhaps also better because the world is inundated with the latest greatest whatever.  I have in fact gone into my database of drafts and stumbled upon this post that I drafted 2 years ago.

I don't know about you but as usual this year started with a bang and I have been running at quite a pace for the last 2 and a half months.  It's been students, presentations, organising, networking and managing on a consistent basis with more and more demands from a ever-hungry world out there.

It really reminds me of a scene in Apocalypto, a film by Mel Gibson.  If you have not seen it perhaps it might be a good time to watch and reflect on our place in this world.  There is a scene where an old man tells a story around a camp fire and it goes like this:

And a Man sat alone, drenched deep in sadness. And all the animals drew near to him and said, "We do not like to see you so sad. Ask us for whatever you wish and you shall have it." The Man said, "I want to have good sight." The vulture replied, "You shall have mine." The Man said, "I want to be strong." The jaguar said, "You shall be strong like me." Then the Man said, "I long to know the secrets of the earth." The serpent replied, "I will show them to you."

And so it went with all the animals. And when the Man had all the gifts that they could give, he left. Then the owl said to the other animals, "Now the Man knows much, he'll be able to do many things. Suddenly I am afraid." The deer said, "The Man has all that he needs. Now his sadness will stop." But the owl replied, "No. I saw a hole in the Man, deep like a hunger he will never fill. It is what makes him sad and what makes him want. He will go on taking and taking, until one day the World will say, 'I am no more and I have nothing left to give.'"

I look around me at entrepreneurs, students and leaders and it is clear that the majority is still trying to fill some kind of hole deep inside them with empty, vain, ephemeral things.  I know that I also have to check myself - I am no different.  I do however invite you on a path with me where we really ask ourselves if we are striving after emptiness to fill emptiness?

Shall we go from survive to alive?!

The 'Why' of Work (part 2)

A few weeks ago I wrote the first part of my view on the 'why' of work.  And then I got busy at work...  I also paused for a moment and took a break by the ocean.  This has given me time to reflect on the 'why' of work with greater depth.

Through the lens of Connectedness work is viewed from the contribution and purpose perspective as indicated in my earlier post.  As I get excited about the changing world of work and the incorporation of greater purpose in many businesses globally I have to remind myself that part of Connectedness is a world view of abundance and not scarcity, patience rather than haste:

“By the time it came to the edge of the Forest, the stream had grown up, so that it was almost a river, and, being grown-up, it did not run and jump and sparkle along as it used to do when it was younger, but moved more slowly. For it knew now where it was going, and it said to itself, “There is no hurry. We shall get there some day.” But all the little streams higher up in the Forest went this way and that, quickly, eagerly, having so much to find out before it was too late.” ― A.A. Milne, The House at Pooh Corner

I look around me at the world rushing forward being pursued by a great beast of fear.  We are afraid we won't have enough time, money, love or accomplishment - we are afraid we won't be enough.

As I sat looking out over the ocean a few weeks ago I realised that this world is in motion and it is a force far greater than I can ever dream of controlling.  I find that what I do not know I want to control, I also see it many other people and specifically 'leaders' and managers.  As the quote above illustrates, we will get where we have to go; I will get where I have to go.  I cannot live in the future at the expense of the present.  Letting go is beautiful!

The 'why' of work is about us, about here, about now and doing whatever is here and now.  It is about trust.  It is trust based on a world view that in the end we will be okay.  If it is not okay it is not the end.

So today I call to all that feel that the burden of ambition is driving a wedge between you and those you care for, between you and the parts of yourself that you do not know yet and in fact creating a self-defeating drive yearning for an unidentified emptiness.  Stop running.  Breathe slowly and start living, here and now.

Go from survive to alive.  

Pause for a Moment

I did not post last week.  I paused for a moment...

The 'Why' of Work (part 1)

In light of my previous two posts regarding Connectedness I am going to continue with three major aspects of Connectedness.  In the last ten years or so I have been searching and have found three areas of life, and specifically business, that guide further inquiry: Why?  How?  Who?.

I believe that in whatever we do, and especially work, their is great reward in following your passion and connecting the 'why' of work to a greater purpose.  I have therefore jumped at every consecutive opportunity I could get to figure out what I am best for the world at.

The 'why' of work has guided me on a quest for more, not more stuff, but more life.  My journey has led me to foreign countries, to disappointment, pain and suffering but at no time have I had any regret because what I have also discovered is myself.  I have seen many people go through their whole life and not have the experience and the privilege that I have had.  I have also remained true to my family and in any choice if it leads to less intimacy with my wife and son it is not a good choice.  This is in fact also very much part of Connectedness.

I have been working for myself or other people from a young age and I have been privileged to be raised on two continents and in three countries.  This has fueled my ability to see the world as connected, rather than separated.  In every opportunity I have been part of an organisation or business I have consistently looked for ways to improve myself as well as the organisation - this has led to some conflict.  ...It is easier to make it in this world than it is to change it.

When I was younger I simply grabbed hold of every opportunity and do my best.  But as I grew older I seriously started asking at what can I be best?  What are my talents?  Where can I contribute?  At what can I succeed?  I experienced glimpses of flow or engagement which also led me to start writing this blog.  Yet, with every new opportunity I grew faster and many times have outgrown my job within two years or so.  What I have experienced is that with every opportunity I can more clearly identify what I am good at. This normally means that I start longing for the next opportunity to develop.  Learning to be patient is very important.

The most important thing however is that I believe in continuous improvement and moving towards a greater purpose for work - the 'why' of work.  Perhaps you don't have it today but I believe that improvement is possible.  Yes the bills have to be paid, but that can't be why you work.  If it is I seriously ask you today to consider your purpose and the meaning behind your work.

"Don't ask what the world needs.  Ask what makes you come alive, and go do it.  Because what the world needs is people who have come alive." - Howard Thurman

...And being alive is Connectedness 

Do You Leap?

Many years ago we used to hike to a place called Chrystal pools.  It was a beautiful winding path up a valley near the coast not too far from where I grew up.  At the pool there was a spot where, those who dared would climb up and then leap of the 10 meter high rocky platform into the icy mountain pool.  A few times I would reach the top, quickly get a footing and then leap...  Heart in mouth and wind in my hair I would then plunge into the icy depths feeling invigorated and invincible.

Many times I also saw other people get to the top and start to hesitate - 10 minutes, 15, half an hour, an hour... Some people would eventually turn back and perhaps others would eventually take the leap feeling somewhat diminished as they did not do it as quickly or with as much flair as others.  I believe life is much the same.  Do you leap?

I challenge myself everyday (as far as possible) to keep on leaping.  I now also understand that leaping means discomfort - the discomfort is where the growth lies.  I challenge myself to keep asking if this is the best I can be?  I try and do the difficult things first and get it out of the way so that I can focus more energy on creating.  It is the boldness that shapes the next move; it is the game that becomes important; not winning as much.  It is about doing a quick check to see if it is OK and then jump into the great unknown.

Take the painting above (by Jackson Pollock) - when I look at it I see a history of leaping.  How can I use colour differently? - leap.  What is real? - leap.  Perhaps what I can do is as good, or better, than what is out there - leap.  What if what is acceptable is limiting? - Leap

As you perhaps know much of my time (when I am not listening to a good tune and typing this blog) is taken up by lecturing undergraduate students in the field of business.  As I sit here tonight I am reflecting on a day that I think will be the start of a significant next chapter in my life:  The greatest tragedy that I am currently encountering working with students is the realisation of how they have been robbed of the opportunity to think and learn for themselves.  For at least 12 years they have been told when to wake up, eat breakfast, go to class, take a break and go home.  In this also lies the greatest opportunity.  The opportunity to work with students to help them reshape their future based on a deeper understanding of what learning actually is.  Learning is not in books (although they help) but in the world filled with opportunities to make mistakes.  In other words, opportunities to gain experience.

For about 12 years of schooling they have been programmed to wait to be told what to do, what is important, what to learn and what the correct answer is.  I understand that to get on in this world you need to be able to understand and apply 1+1=2, but much of our knowledge has to be questioned.  The 'correct' answer is as helpful in a changed and continuously changing world as a inflatable submarine.

There are an immense number of quotes by many renowned authors, which I won't quote here, that help us understand that ultimately we learn by experimentation.  Go and have a look at these talks by Daniel Pink and Tom Wujec to understand the value of risking, exploration, fun... LEAPING!  Ultimately we are in a new world and new economy

We live in a society that tells us that we need insurance for our house, car, health, life, cat, dog...  We are not taught that you need to get into life, take leaps, experience the thrill of the cold water and even if you leap and it is not graceful, leap again.  I need to confront my fears because that is where true learning lies.  It is not in working harder and working the system with more intent.  This is not acceptable any more.  If I want to to truly live I need to step up, step out, and LEAP!  I ask again, do you leap?

Hmmmm

This is some writing on stuff. It may make sense on certain levels or plains depending on your paradigmatic orientation towards a multiverse reality. On the other hand it could be complete nonsense. The fact of the matter however is that in the broader spectrum of things nothing really matters. Although things have known to matter dearly to those who care about things that matter.

I justly therefore ask what is the matter. Where is the beauty? Where is the monkey that whistles a Monet as beautifully as I dance the freed cave captive. Don't worry this is not suppose to make sense except for the meditative purpose of questioning stuff.
What stuff? Well your stuff off-course. Ultimately we only have our own stuff... don't you? I therefore propose that we reflect on what it is that we really need. What stuff is necessary?

I respectfully and specifically challenge those who are in the busyness of business - those who are driving the engines of industry.  Entrepreneurs, CEO's, managers and leaders.  You who helped entangle all of us in the relentless speed of nothingness.  The pervasive beauty of creativity is the all-encompassing delight of those who persevere unto the transcendental reality (which doesn't really exist for those caught in complexity).
I'm sorry, I mean how do you pull on the strings of infinity and eternity to make the fleeting moment permanent?  Yes, in business!  Don't pretend like you don't know what I am talking about.

We look for it everyday and hunger for it more and more.  We know it is there but we spend so much time on the stuff that is served up that the real food is overlooked.  If you don't understand this then you haven't begun to ask: your self?  Go ahead ask: my self?  Who is this really?  Who am I being?  Am I real?  I therefore submit to you that the business person has no right to do business until he/she has found someone to do business for!

Business is the reality of our society, our faults, our beauty and delight.  Don't switch off the lights.  Get a message and get out there.  Do something that will make people talk, smile and look for the good in others.  Come with me and look at the beautiful connections between everything.  Be part of the connections, find your place, your voice and go from survive to alive!

4 Months as the Crow Flies

And when I blinked the year was 4 months old (and counting).  It has been a while since my last post... I have been thinking; restoring; reflecting and reviewing.  I have been thinking of fears and desires, passion and purpose, complexity and transcendence.  If there is one lesson that I have learned over the last year it has been patience.  I now see my haste and propensity to haste much clearer in the light of  the tension between desire and fear.  In other words, in the past I used to attack the present in order to get to the future because I was afraid of missing the opportunity to prove that I am competent and useful.  The reality is  that I am competent and useful; here; today.

I know that repetitive work frustrates me... A lot!  I know that I  can't hide in the corner world of ideas.  Music, ideas and dancing energise me.  Too much of my day does not incorporate creativity - I need more; I think we all do.  I believe this is the key to being more and being more to others.
It seems like it has been a mad dash in the last four months to where I am now.  A good dash however because it has been at home.  Our life is richer because of family, friends and nature.  The improvement in quality of life is invaluable.

After years in Johannesburg we have been living in Stellenbosch for the last 9 months and working as a lecturer for the last 4.  It has been an awesome time so far and I know that it has been a time of restoration.  It will probably continue on the same path for a while but I am tilling the soil.  I am removing the old thinking that was embedded during the past 7 years.  I am throwing off all the old labels and returning my competent roots.  I am removing what is not important an focusing on who I am (yip, that old theme again).

It is literally easier said than done, but I am doing it.  It is a constant journey going from survive to alive.  I fight negativity, look for meaning, acknowledge that I am part of a great tapestry and that I have a part to play.  My part is the one that helps people, and specifically people in business, realise why business is important, why they are doing business, how this adds value an finally how they run their business, or do business, because of this.  I translate my competence into their competence.

What a Year!

I don't know about you but 2012 was truly a significant year!  Even though my mind wants to tell me that I need to lose faith in many things I cannot deny that my heart says something completely different.  So I guess this is where you expect me to tell you that I went with my heart... Not exactly.

Even though I have continued on my journey I am definitely changed after a year of constant challenge, great disappointments and ultimately massive life breakthroughs.  After a number of years in the business world I have come to the great insight that it is primarily not for me.  I'm not saying that I am not interested in it but I am in fact not suppose to be active in the business world on a permanent basis.  I have great passion for it, love to study it and help people reflect on it and their role in it but I am not interested in becoming a, how did Nicholas Nassim Taleb say: "corporate slave with "work ethics" (whenever I hear work ethics I interpret inefficient mediocrity)".

I'll gladly earn less but live meaningfully at a slower, more reflective pace.  After going through a period in the last year of ultimate reduction of identity I can say that it was not easy or pleasant but truly necessary.

I am now experiencing synthesis and do not entertain the tyranny of the or.  I am not following my heart or my head but instead follow them both.  I can now see how an unrealistic view of myself had me trapped and how a deeper understanding of myself is based on dynamics rather than homeostasis.  In other words, I am constantly changing and the product of the complex relationships that I am part of.  There is perhaps less in my control and less that I have to achieve.  I am rather inclined to proceed intuitively but use my mind to understand what I have done and how my intuition operates.  Perhaps it is a little like what the Oracle tells Neo in The Matrix Reloaded: "...you didn't come here to make the choice, you've already made it. You're here to try to understand why you made it."  I believe we actually make many choices that is actually subconscious and by coming to understand our choices we could perhaps help to influence the subconscious in the future.

I am looking forward to 2013 where I know that I will make choices that are intuitive and then reflect on them cognitively afterward.  I know that this is my pattern and rather than be someone I am not I can now embrace this pattern as my own and find and give joy through the use of my gifts.  This journey ultimately leads to the annihilation of my fears through the fulfillment of my greatest desires but it has been a difficult journey to get to the place of self-knowledge that is a source of peace.

So, no new-years resolutions or new initiatives.  No new targets or projects.  Only life to the full!

A Bit of Silence and A Lot of Reflection

I haven't posted anything in the last two weeks or so.  Since the beginning of the year I have been very consistent and did not miss a week.  Over the last few weeks however I have gone into my shell and have been quite silent.  In the silence I have been reflecting a lot, looking at how things 'hang together' and hence I now write this post as a result of it.

Have you ever gone into times when it seems like the world is disconnected from your reality?  A time when other people speak a language you don't understand; it even seems like their lips are moving but what they are saying is completely senseless or even in some cases completely void of any sound.  I have just gone through about three weeks of that.  During these three weeks I have also been rather emotional.  I am not normally very emotional.  In fact, I am quite left brain and can control my emotions masterly.  It has not been like that over the last few weeks.  Now something has to really shift in order for me to embrace deep underlying emotions the way I have.

A number of things have in fact flowed together to bring about this waterfall of reflection, transformation and emotion.  The big thing that I don't normally talk about is my physical condition.  As I have an auto-immune condition where my immune system gets bored and then attacks the healthy tendons where they connect to the joints.  This causes severe pain, stiffness and fatigue.  Some mornings I don't even feel like getting out of bed - literally!  I sit on the side of the bed breathe deeply and attempt to get onto my feet, ankles and knees that simply fold away under me when I get up.  It sometimes takes a few tries before I get moving.  The mornings are difficult but fortunately it gets a bit better later in the afternoon.  The catch is that I have a limb length discrepancy - big words for saying that my right leg is 7mm shorter than my left.  Add a bit of inflammation to the problem and voila my hip rotates out of position every now and then.  In order to combat this I have to do my stretches and core exercises religiously.  All of this takes quite a bit of time and energy.

I am also six months into a new job and through all of the change and adaptation I have come to see where my real value lies.  Accordingly I am taking up my studies with great vigour.  Perhaps my original plans of using this blog as a source of income and creating more freedom in this way will still happen later on.  The reality is that I have learned that the values that I identified earlier; freedom, creativity and simplicity are as relevant now as ever before.  The difference is how it is applied.  Freedom of thought, ideas and reasoning; creativity of life in every regard - in the house, relationships, work and artistic expression and finally simplicity which is reflected in focus and reduction - use what I need and recognise the difference between need and want.

As I navigate this part of my journey I long for the deeper parts of what I am created for and know that it will take a combination of steady action, trust and patience in order to bring about a sense of wholeness that has eluded me for far too long.

Where are you on your journey?  What are you learning?  How are you moving from survive to alive?